Mafia Gazette Past Issue 138
The Mafia Gazette Issue 138 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Saturday 19th May 'MUGGER OR HITMAN? ' by Gazette Reporter Liddle took to the streets of Chicago yesterday and began mugging all the high ranks he could find. It came as no surprise to any of Chicago's residents as muggers are not an uncommon occurrence in the city. These high rankers and their family's, unhappy at the disrespect of being mugged set out to kill the attacker. Being a young thug, they didn't expect to run into any problems in ending the youngsters life. However when they opened fire, they encountered something which they were not expecting, Liddle was armed with many bodyguards. Witnesses estimated seeing between 3 and 5 big men step in front of Liddle as people opened fire. Amongst the casualties of the day were ex delinquent boss Tarby as he attempted to kidnap Liddle and one of Meggio boss Portia's bodyguards as he opened fire. Neither of these were fatal. Portia's bodyguard managed to drop one of Liddles before he was carted off to Chicago hospital and Liddle soon followed, killed by an unknown shooter. It seems that earlier in the day, Miami Gangster Wildsoul had found himself in a similar situation. Not knowing the full extent of Liddles defence he, for reason unknown, had opened fire on Liddle but soon fell to the young man's gun. Why was this youngster armed so well? He could have simply got a lucky break while mugging and hired a number of bodyguards with his ill gained earnings, however his funeral suggested otherwise. If he had mugged people of the amount of money needed to buy 3 - 5 bodyguards there should have been much more fuss at his funeral. The Gazette received a tip that he may have been sent by the Conceptualists to drain families of bullets, though we cannot confirm how true this may be at this time. 'MONSTER CLAIMS NEW YORK ' by Totally Guitarded Just after 2am this morning, Monster came out onto the street surrounded by bodyguards to announce his new claim on New York. Telling the crowd that he would be looking after NY until he died or until Las Vegas found someone better for the job. He went on to say that the city would no longer be locked down and that from now on there would only be one rule in New York from now on, 'Don’t Do Anything Stupid.' He explained what he meant by 'anything stupid' this includes mugging, random killing, opening a bunch of bars and closing them, or and this one is important setting up a street crew in New York. The punishment for breaking the Anything stupid rule in New York will be death. It raised some questions that Monster is still living in Las Vegas, and how he could possibly run New York from the far side of the country. He replied that he has had a lot of business in Las Vegas at the moment, but will still be able to run New York efficiently. For as long as most of us can remember, there has been a massive divide between East and West with wars sparking every few months... but with a Vegas made running New York, is this the end of it once and for all? 'NEW YORK EMPTY? ' by Gazette Reporter There have been rumours since the war between Criminals Under Ninja Training, run by Mr Valentine and The Clientele, run by the late Moustachio there has been no one living in New York and the city has been left empty. Wth it's inhabitants dead and with New York being locked down for as long as everyone can remember, it seems no one has dared venture there for quite some time. We caught up with one of the brave few who made their way into the city. They told us this, 'There wasn't a soul to be seen. All the bars were deserted, looks like they've been that way for sometime. After being told New York was practically empty I had made my way there to open up a quiet little business, I didn't realise it was that bad.' They went on to say, 'Walking through the street was an eerie feeling, not a soul to be seen. Such a beautiful city.. gone to waste.' What is to come of this once buzzing city? The people who once inhabited it gone, their offspring seem to have left the city to rot. Who will step up to restore this once great city to it's former glory? 'HUG A BOSS CAMPAIGN ' by Gazette Reporter Retired Delinquent boss Tarby has been spending all his free time lately thinking up new group and campaign ideas.. and yesterday he came to the streets with his latest, his Hug A Boss Campaign. He urged hoodlums, gangsters and made men alike to come together for a single cause, to hug their bosses. He asked the crowd what all today's leaders have in common, he went on to say that it was simply that they all just need a hug. He even hugged a random member of the crowd as a demonstration, who although looked a little concerned by this sudden display of affection, managed to keep a smile on her face. He went through a list of bosses who are around today and explained why each one of them needed a hug from their members, everything from unhappiness to need for attention. So how did the bosses react to this new campaign, the thought of everyone running up to them and giving them great big affectionate cuddles? Not exactly in the traditional style of the mafia. Well surprisingly most of them were for it, coming out to see who wanted to hug them first. Why not take Queen Tarbies advice. Hug a boss today and see his or her little face light up. 'A NEW TREND? ANOTHER NEW GROUP - S.T.R.A.I.G.H.T's ' by Tea Jenny We are seeing new groups springing up all over the place these days, the newest one to grace the streets with it's presence is S.T.R.A.I.G.H.T, another group started by TieDomi.. This group is a reaction to all the members of the group The G.A.Y Men's association wandering around the streets lately in their feather boa's. He described Queen Tarby, leader of the G.A.Y's as evil and describes them as the S.T.R.A.I.G.H.T's sworn enemies. He has had enough of them parading round the streets, 'wearing pink shirts, tight pants, and headbands. Snapping their fingers at each other and speaking with lisps.' And tells his listeners that he fears for both his life and his manhood daily with these people on the street.. and feels it's time for all the non G.A.Y's to stand up against Queen Tarby and his followers before they take over completely. The Gazette spoke to TieDomi about this new group and this is what he had to say, 'First of all S.T.R.A.I.G.H.T. stands for Superbly Terrific, Radically Awesome, Infinitely Great, Honourable Tribesmen. S.T.R.A.I.G.H.T was created in desperation to stop Queen Tarby's advance on the Streets.' He continued, 'I will NOT stand by and let him corrupt the children with his talks of man-love and death to all S.T.R.A.I.G.H.Ts! I shall defeat him for all of the REAL men, women, and children. He think this Unholy wedding between MST and Bailey will give him some kind of power. Well it WON'T seeing as it isn't sanctioned by a Church of Dark-side or Tie and everybody knows WE hold the real power.' Following Tie's announcement the two could be seen arguing on IRC avenue with Tarby accusing Tie of only starting the new group because he himself applied to become a G.A.Y and had his application denied. With Tie already involved in a war with his religion Darkside of Domi will he be able to handle another fight? And how will the G.A.Y's react? 'MALE PROSTITUTES AMOUNGST US ' by Tea Jenny It seems the old priest has been revealing confessions to the public again. A man came to our head offices this morning with a note the priest slipped him it read, 'The word on the street is...Fallen confessed this, "Forgive me father for I have sinned it has been 50 days since my last confession... I have committed crimes and prostituted myself on the streets with other men, please relieve me of my crimes."." 'Prostituted myself on the streets with other men.' It seems we have a male prostitute amoungst us, Fallen has been selling his 'services' for money. No wonder we have been seeing so many G.A.Y's around the street lately. Fallen could just be one of many, keep watch on street corners for these men who want to sell you man love. 'LOTTERY RESULTS ' by Totally Guitarded A reminder of Wednesdays lottery numbers: 9, 20, 22, 24, 27, 28 There were 70 players in Wednesday's lottery... And there were 4 winners each walking away with 2.5mil. Bailey and Victor Afenasenkov were two of this Wednesday’s lucky winners. Last night's winning numbers were: 17, 19, 20, 32, 36, 48 Last night's Lottery had 73 players with 4 winners, each winning 5mil. Last night's winners are still to be notified. Remember to enter next weeks lottery for a chance of winning. A big thanks to Draw Master, Portia for organising numbers and payouts. 'ASK KING TIE ' by King Tie We have recently had the one and only King Tie join our team here at the Gazette and he has agreed to do a column for us. So we are giving you the opportunity to ask King Tie anything. Have a problem with no answers? Ask King Tie. Something you've always wanted to know? Ask King Tie. Simply mail all questions directly to TieDomiII and keep an eye on the next issue of the Gazette for your answer. MST: If the meaning of life is MST why do people worship fake gods like Tie? The meaning of life ISN'T MST, the meaning of life is Tie. That's why people worship REAL Gods, such as myself. You and your jealously MST. Random G.A.Y.: Oh why oh why Can't I just be like Tie? Because you're G.A.Y. You silly drama queen you. Random Canadian: Who's the Prime Minister of Canada? I really don't know. But thank you for answering MY question. I always wondered if Canadians even knew who their own Prime Minister is. Random Mom: Tie, is it true that YOU really are my favorite? Of course it is Mom, you love me most of all! Random McMurphy: Tie, will you have my babehs? No Randl...om...I will NOT have your babehs. Even for as sexy as I am, they'd still turn out ugly from you. 'HOROSCOPES ' by Mystic Meg AIRIES - March 21st - April 20th Keep a positive attitude today no matter what.. You've been doing a lot lately and feeling very pleased with yourself but there are people out there who might try to critisise your work, don't let anyone put you down about it. TAURUS - April 21st - May 21st You are overworked lately, take a well-earned and blissful break. It is a good time to examine problems from the past and get organized so you can do things more efficiently in the future. GEMINI - May 22nd - June 21st Something might stir your passion while you are reading the local news. You might be working on a task you dislike and this could be all that's needed to inspire you to make a start on something you would rather be doing. Some issues may find you joining some group or even forming one of your own. CANCER - June 22nd - July 23rd Stop waiting for the good things in life to find their way to you and go out and get them. If you sit around and wait you will find yourself wondering why everyone else is getting all the finer things in life and you're not getting anything. If it's not coming to you, go and find it yourself. LEO - July 24th - August 23rd Stop replaying mistakes in your head over and over again and beating yourself up over them. Remember that no one is perfect and everyone will go wrong at some point. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Try to concentrate on the more positive things in your life right now instead. VIRGO - August 24th - September 23rd Don't let people push you around, give them an inch and they will take a mile. Take others opinions on board but do things your way. However make sure you do not get carried away with your new found self confidence or consequences could be disastrous. LIBRA - September 24th - October 23rd People can bank on your support in the face of crisis. You might not be able to make headway with a financial situation for a few more days, but your supporters will repay your dependability. Poor finances prey on your mind; it's difficult to relax your brain. The racing track may be a good solution to all your problems this week. SCORPIO - October 24th - November 22nd Don't let an argument ruin an otherwise flawless friendship. Try to forgive and make up to avoid losing someone close to you. Watch out for enemies causing trouble in your relationships. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer this week. SAGITTARIUS - November 23rd - December 21st You are uncertain about many aspects of your life this week, you feel you don't belong and may even feel like giving up. Uncertainty may manifest in a wide variety of ways: you might be defensive or suspicious about a situation or person. Follow your instincts, if someone doesn't seem trustworthy keep an eye on them and watch your back. And don't give up.. things will get better. CAPRICORN - December 22nd - January 20th You might feel that you have been betrayed or have bad feelings about someone this week, but given time you will realise that you were wrong about these people. Don't act too quickly this week without solid evidence and you might avoid a lot of trouble. AQUARIUS - January 21st - February 19th You need to set yourself some realistic goals and stick to them, you will never get anywhere in life hiding in the shadows and sitting on your arse. Set your targets and do something with your life. However be careful that you don't make your goals unrealistic and unachievable. Make sure they are within your own ability. PISCES - February 20th - March 20th Your finest quality this week is your ability to laugh at yourself. One way to turn a tense situation into something less serious is to use your sense of humour. Being able to laugh at mistakes and accepting there will be problems in a group situation is the right attitude to take in a team effort. Encourage others to lighten up. Once you start you will see the change in atmosphere your efforts have made. 'OBITUARIES ' by Totally Guitarded Gianfranco_Falcone - Street Boss - May 17th, 7:29PM Vince-Cotroni Rest In Peace old friend. Sad to see you here. *Lays a red rose* Thisbe: RIP old friend Such things are a crying shame, I hope this isn't the last we see of your bloodline. Selorroa_Lorpio: I'm honestly disappointed to see this. Such a waste of tremendous potential... RIP, sir. Have your kin get in touch. Apollo: RIP I always enjoyed our chats and i thought you would go far. Shocking to see you cut down like this. Sawyer - Made Man - May 18th, 6:42PM ClaudioCostanza: Now this is not nice. RIP. *lays a rose * JackCarter: J E S U S, F * * K Why lord? Whhhhhhy? RIP man CasimiroAnjelo: Don't tell me you did something silly? RIP Meridius - Made Man - May 18th, 6:46PM Selorroa_Lorpio: Oh man. Oh man oh man. :( I'm sorry : Dark-side: Nooooooooooooooooo, RIP brother, so long to get there and then this happens, sleep well brother. Mr-Montie RIP to an old fallen angel Portia: Oh this is the saddest day ever. All that work you put in. *Lays a white rose* RIP Rocky 'CLASSIFIEDS ' by Totally Guitarded Have a business? Horses? Anything you want advertised? The Gazette will advertise it here, absolutely FREE! Just drop Totally_Guitarded a mail with the details. The Gazette is back and looking for writers once more. If you have a flare for writing and wish to apply, either part time or full time.. drop by the head office in Chicago or simply submit articles/columns to Totally_Guitarded. Good rates of pay! 19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC) $The Bank of Garrison$ Weapon storage Cash Storage Mail Jim-Garrison for details 19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC) Lawyer needed. Tough courtroom setting. Contact Anthony-Casso for further details. 19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC)19:38, February 17, 2013 (UTC) Lorpio Enterprises: Posters, Speeches and bar construction all available here! Tired of not getting anywhere in this world? Bored of being overlooked because you don't have the vocal support to progress? Well fear not! Lorpio Enterprises will provide you with a poster of your choice and will present it to you to help you rank! Stop by at the Chicago or Detroit offices for more information.